He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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