it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
