Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
