I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
