I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
