You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
