that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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