Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
