Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
