hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
