At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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