he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
