And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
