...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
