Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
