I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
