Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
