i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
