If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
