he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
