im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
