We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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