My friends, they love my intelligence
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
