I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
