Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
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But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
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You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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