Too much gin, very little bucket
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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