too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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