please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Randomize
