So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I hate all girls vehemently.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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