I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Randomize