she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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