Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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