wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
