I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
