may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
