Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
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