i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
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