Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
