Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Don't make out with my wife yet
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
