I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I enjoy the company of your penis
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
