he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
