Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
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cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
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You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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