Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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