Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
