Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize