oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
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I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
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Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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