She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
