my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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