Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
