So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
