I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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