I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
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this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
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I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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