Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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