He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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