We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
