I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
