You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
