im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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