fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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