i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
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Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
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He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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